Staying Silent During a Marital Argument Can Do More Harm Than Good

What impact does human behaviour within the constructs of a relationship have on the incidence of heart disease and mortality? Dr Elaine Eaker led a team of researchers who studied 3,682 men and women who were participating in the Framingham Heart Study hoping to cast some light on exactly this question. The Framingham Heart Study is based in Framingham, Massachusetts and began in 1948 with 5,209 adults originally taking part. This study is now in its third generation of participants. Much of what we know about heart disease is based on this study.

Dr Eaker and her team discovered that women who stay silent during a marital spat were four times more likely to die than woman who felt free to express themselves during a marital argument. They also found that although marriage was good for men's health, men who's spouses suffered from work-related stress were 2.7 times more likely to develop coronary heart disease then men who's spouses were not unhappy at work. One possible explanation is that the men who's wives suffered from work-related stress felt that they couldn't protect her in this area of her life.

Relationship Stress is a psycho-physiological response to a perceived threatening situation that occurs within the constructs of a relationship. Coping mechanisms, such as "self-silencing" may resolve the overt stressor but will also contribute to the inner stress associated with not feeling safe or self-esteem issues that arise from not being able to communicate honestly and openly without fear of reprisal. Often this method of communicating is unconscious as it is learnt by observing relationships during childhood. Dr Eaker believes that "self-silencing" during times of conflict may be an evolutionary survival trait.

The findings underscore the importance of healthy communication within marriage, Eaker says, although she does urge that other researchers confirm the results "before we make a lot out of them." Nevertheless, she concludes, "both spouses really need to allow another person a safe environment to express feelings when they're in conflict," both for their own health, and for the health of the relationship